Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
