Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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