So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
