It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
