He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
