That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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