you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
