a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
