What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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