the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
