I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
