Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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