wanna go halves on a baby?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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