I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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