I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I enjoy the company of your penis
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
