Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
