The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
