My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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