meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
