My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
