There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
