you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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