The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
