Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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