i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
