On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
