So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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