Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
