Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
