Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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