Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
