I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
