If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
