I think I won the penis lottery.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
