You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
