hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
FUCK WHALES
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
