Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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