it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
