if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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