The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
