Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
