I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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