Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
