he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
