Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
