Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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