The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I need a beard to bite.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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