sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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