No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
