I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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